That great old tune by Felix Unger could be the theme song of the literary moment (rather than, one hopes, a full-fledged movement) known as "Chick Lit." Now, in hopes of luring in the ladies, such Debbie-Downer gal scribblers as Sylvia Plath are getting the lipstick makeover. (Hey, Emily Bronte is now being sold as "Bella and Edward's favorite writer." Don't believe me? Go here.)
It's been awhile since I put off real work by whipping up some book covers; last time, I gave some classics the self-pub treatment (another moment we're totally into). Now it's time to brighten up some prestige-laden sob sisters with the cover treatment that says This book is good. Shoe-shoppin' good.
Let's start with that dour classic that launched a thousand Women's Studies' reading lists.
Overshare memoirs are big with the ladies; just ask Carrie Bradshaw!
More memoirs; let's put the "ditz" in dysfunctional!
Hey, admit it: "Feminist dystopian novel" just doesn't have that fly-off-the-shelves ring, now, does it?
It's such a cute book, she and her sister are, like, always writing to each other about guys and stuff.
Okay, I know. I will rot in hell for this. Happy reading, girls; I'll get the cupcakes, and I'll see you at Book Club!
This little boy is named Derby. He and his twin Loen were born at 24 weeks’ gestational age. Today, they are happy and reasonably healthy 5-year-olds whose story is recounted here.
Forty years ago, the Supreme Court of the United States of America made it legal in all 50 states to kill a child of this age, if he or she is still inside the womb.
About 1,000 children* this size are legally killed each year. Fifty Sandy Hooks a year. Not by guns, but by medical professionals. Since Roe v Wade, that equals 40,000 babies as indisputably alive and human as the one in this photograph, destroyed using techniques too disturbing to describe here.
Why focus on such a tiny percentage of the total number of abortions performed each year since Roe?
One reason is because later-term unborn babies are more immediately recognizable as ourselves, and we are more readily moved to defend that which we recognize.
Another reason is that I cannot wrap my mind around numbers like 54 million, a conservative estimate of the number of missing children since the "right to privacy" denied them their most fundamental human right: the right to live.
To talk about "social justice" but turn away from this truth...how?
"We shall not weary, we shall not rest, until every young woman is given the help she needs to recognize the problem of pregnancy as the gift of life. We shall not weary, we shall not rest, as we stand guard at the entrance gates and the exit gates of life, and at every step along way of life, bearing witness in word and deed to the dignity of the human person—of every human person."--Richard John Neuhaus, 2008
*According to a 1997 survey by the Guttmacher Institute, more than 1,000 babies 24 weeks' gestational age or older are aborted each year in the U.S. According to the CDC, about 1% of all abortions in 2009 took place after 21 weeks' gestation, which would equal at least 7,000 a year. According to another Guttmacher survey, a fetal problem was present in only 2% of such abortions.
This is how I've spent at least a part of each day for precisely the past 10 years. This is Cocobop (as in "Shimmy, shimmy"), and he is a "wool sucker," only the "wool" is me. (And, once and to his shame, the wool was a tech support guy in the same chair.) Supposedly, wool-sucking is a misdirected nursing behavior; the cat kneads and derives some presumed psychic "milk" from soft surfaces like blankets or sweaters. Coco likes certain velour throws and especially, a hot-pink fuzzy bathrobe, but mostly he likes my neck. Around here we just call it "neck-sucking." It involves a lot of purring and tenderizing with claws, and I have learned to tolerate it and even be oddly honored by it.
I also have endured it because Coco is a foolish and simple cat who has never asked for much besides bottomless food dishes and prodigious amounts of sleep, plus the occasional sunbeam. At my desk, our dance would begin with a plucking of my arm; there would be that owlish face, all needy eyes and glossy grey fur. He is the original "50 shades of grey," from mauve-tinted dove to deep slate; his fur seems to refract light, especially blue. Put him near something blue and he becomes blue.
Next would come the stomp across the keyboard and up my chest. The first time we laid eyes on him, at the chaotic grim shelter of the CACC in East New York, he was a youngster of 5 months or so; he shot out of the cage and fastened on my neck and nursed for dear life. I handed him to Daughter, who was 7, and he did the same to her; the bond was sealed. No other kitten had a chance. I called them "Lilo and Stitch."
Neck-sucking isn't Coco's only passion; he enjoys destroying table legs and leather goods to wear down his fine, opalescent claws. He loves a good 8-hour power nap. And he has been an affectionate "sibling" to Lexi, the portly diva, and Charlie, the feisty baby of the pride. But it has always come back to cat-on-human contact. With Daughter, it was a delicate lick on the face or hairline when she'd come home from school; with me, the neck thing. I love the fact that Coco responds physically to verbal endearments; if I would call him "Pretty Cocobop," with a gentle puff on the Ps and Bs, he would audibly intensify his purr and knead harder.
Four days ago, his golden eyes filled up with gunk and he suddenly stopped eating. I figured, virus; the kind folks at Hope Veterinary found a golfball-sized mass, probably lymphoma. Cat chemo can buy you 6 more months or so, but Cocobop has turned inward and shut down on us. We have lost many cats to cancer over the years, and whether the end comes suddenly or slowly, it always comes with dignity. They tell you when it's time.
A week ago, suffering from a back spasm, I slept in our upstairs guest room for its firmer mattress. As I lay face-down, seeking the fragile spaces without pain, Coco (still seemingly in perfect health) walked onto my back and began to knead. Cat-shiatsu: the delicate claw-pricks seemed to draw energy away from the lumbar storm. And then he curled up next to my face and kept vigil, thrilled that I had joined him in one of his favorite haunts. I felt suffused with unearned grace.
Last night, when he finally emerged from his carrier, sedated after a needle-aspiration biopsy, he skulked upstairs to the same bed to snooze in the dark. I slipped in beside him, very quietly; he started to leave, then resignedly lay back down, then drew closer. No neck-sucking, but he had some intense moments with the plush blanket I pulled around me as the night grew chill. I whispered, "Pretty Cocobop," hitting the p's and b's, and heard the purr tick up a notch. One vigil deserves another.
Tonight, one more vigil: Lilo is in there now with Stitch. They are asleep together in a curl of kitten and girl that began the spring of her First Communion and now draws to a close as she prepares for college. Cocobop is uneasy but not yet in obvious pain, nor will we let him get there. Foolish cat, you pain in the neck, it is time to say goodbye.
Here comes the Rose Post...and it's not even June. This year, I'm struck by how many of my plants are somehow gifts. This "New Dawn" climber was a gift from...me. Meaning, I actually propagated it from the original bush across the garden. My dad taught me propagation, among so many other things, so it's also sort of a gift from him. The fragrance is that of absolute innocence.
"Climbing Don Juan" gives the gift of transformation...to a corner that stood bare and ugly for years. He's exuberantly covering up the set built by NBC for a "Law & Order" episode about a Mad Bomber, a.k.a. our garage.
"Perle D'Or" was dug up from the Brooklyn Botanic Garden's Cranford Rose Garden and handed to me by their legendary rosarian, Stephen Scanniello. The garden was about to be renovated, and the bushes were being handed out to staff and volunteers. The buds really do look like golden pearls.
The gift of this lavender miniature rose: surviving from year to year in a dilapidated planter box, thus defying my abysmal track record for wintering over roses that are (a) miniature and (b) lavender.
"Maiden's Blush" is easy: fragrance. The scent is ur-rose, the intoxicating attar that every phony "rose" room-spray in the world tries to pimp out (with woeful, cloying results). It blooms only once a year; the rest of the year, I wrestle with its 6-foot canes.
The foxgloves are gifts from themselves. They have self-seeded year after year.
And then there are Plants from Friends. Here are some spunky hosta divisions generously given from the native shade garden of Flatbush Gardener before his departure on a honeymoon with the lovely gent he gently dubs "Blog Widow." They, and the hostas, seem to be flourishing.
Just past the halfway mark in May, and I finally remembered to do a May Altar! This picture is loaded with Crazy Stable significance.
The Flowers. From left to right: a golden rose whose name I'm unsure of; Climbing Don Juan (red); a lavender miniature rose; a columbine; and sage blossoms, plus some of the wildly invasive ferns.
The Stuff. The statue, charmingly amputated by a long-ago bout of over-vigorous dusting, came from the guest room of my Aunt Rosemary, my mother's amazingly Catholic sister and my godmother. The painting came from my Uncle Don, my father's brother. Their side of the family were either morbidly fascinated and appalled by Catholicism, or drawn into the faith as converts. (Don, the exception, viewed it with the same childlike delight he expressed for all faiths.)
The Issues. As a child in St. Anastasia School in Douglaston, I yearned feverishly every year to be chosen to decorate the classroom "May Altar." This was often a flimsy box or frame, which would be lavishly appointed with crepe paper and artificial blossoms; Mary would then be "crowned" with flowers during her month, in a procession with a floral coronet. The boys could've cared less, but the girls--aspiring Martha Stewarts, some of us--keenly craved decorating duty. Every year, it seemed, the clueless sister or lay teacher would assign this juicy task to...one or two of the most jock-like, loutish girls in the class. Girls who frankly could've cared less. They would do, of course, what I perceived as a wretched and perfunctory job, while I fumed in silent frustrated artistry.
NOT ANY MORE!!! This baby's all mine! Mine, I tell you! (Yes, another Catholic tradition that imbued me with lifelong charity and humility...)
NEXT-DAY UPDATE: Some wretched, impious klutz of a cat knocked over the statue and decapitated Baby Jesus, and spilled one of the vases. Remarkably, no vases were shattered, but the most suspect cat was rapped sharply on the skull by Spouse with the walnut-sized marble head of Our Saviour. The tradition of May Altar Agony continues...
The song par excellence for May Crownings is "Flowers of the Rarest." To this day, it brings up in me a swelling tide of vicious jealousy and the desire to ram crepe paper down the throat of a stocky ginger-haired softball champion. Here is a wonderfully insipid version by Canadian tenor John McDermott, followed by the lyrics.
Bring Flowers of the Rarest
Bring flow'rs of the fairest, Bring flow'rs of the rarest,
From garden and woodland And hillside and vale;
Our full hearts are swelling, Our glad voices telling
The praise of the loveliest Rose of the vale.
O Mary! we crown thee with blossoms today,
Queen of the Angels, Queen of the May,
O Mary! we crown thee with blossoms today,
Queen of the Angels, Queen of the May.
Our voices ascending, In harmony blending,
Oh! Thus may our hearts turn Dear Mother, to thee;
Oh! Thus shall we prove thee How truly we love thee,
How dark without Mary Life's journey would be. [Chorus]
O Virgin most tender, Our homage we render,
Thy love and protection, Sweet Mother, to win;
In danger defend us, In sorrow befriend us,
And shield our hearts From contagion and sin. [Chorus]
Of Mothers the dearest, Oh, wilt thou be nearest,
When life with temptation Is darkly replete?
Forsake us, O never! Our hearts be they ever
As pure as the lilies We lay at thy feet.